McCain's Brain in a Jar Declares Arizoneish the National Language of the United States

Dateline September 21st, 2010.

President John McCain, who is running the country as a brain in a jar after a tragic face transplant incident, declared Arizoneish the official language of the United States of America.

Arizoneish is a dialect of English as spoken by natives of Arizona "in fiscal leadership positions," or those better than middle class incomes, so greater than $5,000,000.00 a year.

In financial news, the dollar was up sharply against the Euro, trading at 509.00 dollars to one Euro at closing. Unemployment numbers came in lower than expected, at 19%, possibly reflecting the new accounting practice that eliminates those who are eligible for service in the Spanish Occupation Authority but choose not to take advantage of this opportunity to fulfill their patriotic duty.