President John McCain gave a government bailout to all Fortune 500 companies, in the form of paying all their expenses.
"Why should these entrenpenural firms have to pay their own bills?" he asked. "I know critics will claim they have shipped 98.6% of their jobs overseas, but that is just normal. And free expenses are what the free market is all about."
In other news, the doctors at Walter Reed, despite heroic measures, were unable to save President John McCain's face. "The President is in stable condition," said Dr. Frakenfruter of Walter Reed. "What's left of him anyway. As you can see, he is safe in this big glass jar. We have saved his brain and spinal cord."
Vice President Sarah Palin asked "Can I be President now? I mean the guy is like a pickel now. God wants me to be President...."