Friday, April 4, 2008

Large Hadron Collider: Answer to the Empty Skies Problem?

The Empty Skies Problem is: If life exists elsewhere in the universe, and it naturally evolves toward intelligence, where is everyone? Why don't we get radio signals from other civilizations? If it's possible to go out to other stars and colonize other planets, why haven't we seen any evidence of this? Assuming other intelligences, some should have evolved earlier than us, and been able to cross the stars millions of years ago. Hundreds of millions. The galaxy should be thick with aliens, an interstellar Manhattan.

Yet the sky seems empty.

Now some people grumpy pants about how the Large Hadron Collider under Geneva could create a black hole. This black hole could then absorb all the matter it came in contact with. The collider, Geneva, and the Earth.

The nice thing about this theory, is that it could explain why the sky isn't full of evidence of intelligent life. Before a species becomes advanced enough to expand into space, it hits upon the idea to build a Large Hadron Collider. Thus avoiding filling the universe with annoying little space people.

Now if only I can write a story with this premise, and get it published before the Swiss destroy the Earth...

Of course this probably won't happen. But still. Maybe there is another experiment, another collider, another thing that makes it easy to destroy your own planet that intelligent species are sure to stumble across. Sure, it sounds grim, but at least it solves the empty skies problem.

I mean, you can't have everything.


  1. I feel vaguely like variants of this has been published before... perhaps an old Asimov story or something? Not quite sure. But the premise--that civilizations all find clever ways to kill themselves off--seems familiar.

    well, it solves the global warming problem, at least.


  2. It actually sounds like a pretty quick 'n' painless way to end it all. Death by Big Science!

  3. I've Got Einstein on my Mind
    by Jim Purdy

    Listen to me one and all, Oh dear,
    For bad news I bring, The End is Near.

    In the UK, the Daily Mail tried to clue us in,
    That those mad scientists are going to do us in.

    Yes indeed, they have published a news article
    Warning us of a runaway sub-atomic particle.

    The Large Hadron Collider is to blame,
    And our universe will soon end in flame.

    Oh man, the fireworks will be spectacular,
    It'll be so big, I won't need my binocular.

    As the end nears, some may grieve and mourn,
    But I'll enjoy the show, just eating my popcorn.

    Someday I'll entertain grandkids with the story I'll tell,
    Oh. Wait. I guess I won't have any grandkids, oh well.

    In college, we laughed at those physics dorks,
    Always talking about their tachyons and quarks.

    Yes, soon the world will be gone, we'll be no more,
    Thanks to guys named Fermi, Heisenberg and Bohr.

    So, as I await the end of all mankind,
    I've got Albert Einstein on my mind.